I do not COOK on Christmas!!!

Yes, you have read that correctly!!! I do not cook on Christmas. Yes, I go into my kitchen but there is no Turkey that needs basting every 30 minutes. There isn’t a ham, that we forgot to put some sort of glaze on. Maybe there could be a Prime Rib, but that would be cooked on Christmas Eve and then sliced for sandwiches or something….

The “Hetzel Family Tradition” of not cooking a Christmas Dinner started so many years ago, that I can’t remember any other way. I only remember the array of snacks, dips, salamis, cookies, garbage (or to the laymen’s Chex Party Mix, only better and now gluten free). We would have breakfast, some nasty egg and bread casserole that my mother loved and my sister and I were forced to eat. Over the years, it transformed into this overly decadent baked French Toast (might have to dig out that recipe), we ate that!!!! Anyway…. that was put in the oven when we got up, after stockings were open and some sort of morning ritual happens – like brushing teeth, taking the dog out and starting the coffee!!!! We were always aloud to open stockings, before the grandparents showed up, but nothing else til they got there….. sometimes it took hours. That was a very interesting year!!! But I digress….

On a “typical” Christmas morning stocking opened, coffee is now being ingested and presents are opened, we are sitting down to eat the only meal to actually be served that day, Breakfast. On this very special day, we didn’t even have to do the dishes right away. Then all the other festivities would begin…. toys assembled, Christmas music playing, cat playing with wrapping paper, the dog is going insane that no one is paying attention to him, more coffee being brewed, the assortment of games (and we usually got a new family game every year to play on Christmas) were pulled down to the dining room. And then the MAGIC happened. We set up the Christmas Feast!

I know you saying …. wait she said she didn’t cook on Christmas, I don’t!!! By Feast, I mean the food extravaganza of snacks. We always had spinach dip in the pumpernickel bread bowl, cheeses, salamis, summer sausages (my sister’s must have), shrimp, cheesey crab dip (another must have) vegetables (gotta watch that girlish figure) and dips (anything but ranch). My favorite (please no judgment- I still eat them to this day) Parmesan cheese bread sticks. These absolutely terrible for you, little pieces of heaven were my must have. My mom and dad never understood why these were my favorite and still are. I am almost embarrassed to tell you anymore about them. I guess the perfect way to describe them would be to say….. take the most high end, fluffiest, delicious bread stick you’ve ever eaten and throw it into really bad “B” rated horror film. Here is how they are made…. take cheap white bread, cut the crust off, flatten slightly with a rolling pin, melt butter, get your Kraft Parmesan cheese (or whatever brand you like but it can’t be fresh grated, I cannot stress that enough) and set up a breading station. Take your bread, dip it in the melted butter, then roll it in the Kraft Parmesan Cheese, put it on a lined baking tray, bake in the oven at 350, until the are getting golden brown around the edges (I have no idea how long that takes but start at like 10 minutes and go from there). Take them out of the oven and let them cool. They need to be cool to get the full effect of them. And full effect I mean, that when you bite into them you get the crunch of the crispy Parmesan cheese and then the fat from the cheese and the butter….. ooohhhhhh!!! so good!!!! I wish I could find a picture, but no such luck.

As the day would progress, so would our frustration with playing the game Phase 10, if you have ever played this game you will understand. We, would continue to eat, by this time my dad would be looking for something more substantial and would dare into the kitchen to make a sandwich if some sort, but is that really cooking if the oven is not used – I don’t think so. Eventually we would need a game break and would start the binging of Christmas movies. We would start with mom’s favorites – White Christmas and the original Miracle on 34th Street, then the remake. Dad would have left the room by now and would be in the other room reading a book (because that’s what he did).

Let’s fast forward to the year my dad’s parents came to Christmas at our house in Michigan. They had come a few times by this point, it was always so much fun (insert sarcasm)!!!! My grandmother, anytime she would come to our house the first thing she did was clean the kitchen sink….. like my mom didn’t already go that. To this day I still don’t know why, but that just adds excitement to our story. This particular year, my our grandmother decided that she was in charge and was making a Christmas dinner. She was putting her foot down. So she did, she spent all day in the kitchen making a big Turkey dinner, while we still did our “Hetzel Family Traditions” and when we sat down to eat at the table that night, all she said was that she didn’t get to spend anytime with the family today and that she was upset that no one helped her. My mom looked at her and told her “that’s why we don’t cook on Christmas!” She may have said a few other things, but you get the point. LOL!!!! And that was the first and only Christmas dinner that I ever remember having, until I got married the second time. But again…. I did not do the cooking.

These traditions are what made this time of year so special for me and I realize that now. Growing up it was weird not to have a big family Christmas dinner (we are also part Italian….). People didn’t understand and I still get questioned about it or I get the “oh it’s so nice that you have carried that on”….. (tilted head, sad face, pity in person’s voice). But to me it’s a tradition that I think more people need to adopt. I’m this day and age with all the technology that consumes us on a daily basis and everyone constantly on the go. Sit, play actual games and talk to your family for just one day. You might find that you actually like it.